Bad Love
by Tacuma
Summary: Tezuka remembers the things that happened in his life, but his memories are a mess and so is this story


**Title: **Bad Love  
**Writer: **Tacuma  
**Pairing: **TezukaFuji  
**Genre: **AU, romance, angst  
**Word count: **3864words  
**Warnings:** Yes  
**Rating: **PG  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Prince of Tennis, nor do I own the song 'Bad Love', it's from White Lies and I highly recommend you listen to it.

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Bad Love

Tezuka had never been a very religious person. It was not that he didn't want to believe in anything, he had tried almost all big religions of the world; Shinto, Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, even Buddhism, which wasn't actually a religion. None of those had helped him. Especially the ones that were fiercely fighting against homosexuality. Tezuka preferred equality of all humans. Religion couldn't give Tezuka the peace of heart he was longing for.

Eventually he started to search for rest of his mind in other things. Sports to begin with. He had always drowned himself in tennis until he had become too old for that. It was difficult to combine with work. Even now, so many years later, it was still difficult to create enough time and find enough partners to play with. So after a few months he gave up on tennis again. He couldn't really be bothered. Instead he put all his energy in his job. He started early in the morning and was one of the last people to leave the office in the evening. But he always ended up alone in his apartment, the pain in his heart even greater than before.

Alcohol didn't work either. Tezuka had tried, but his tolerance was high and he had to drink more than a bottle to actually forget. He had no time to buy so much alcohol, he didn't have the money to buy so much bottles, so he even gave up on drinking.

_I've been going to church but I don't believe_

_I'll ever be clear of this pain_

The moment Tezuka and Fuji met they knew this was what they had been waiting for. Tezuka, working at a big company, had to find a good photographer to make pictures of the highest bosses of the company for the website. The director also needed a few photos for his interview with a national financial magazine. Tezuka had searched for good photographers and got interested in one when he was scrolling through his photos.

A week later they met for the first time. The moment Fuji entered the office they looked at each other without saying a word. After almost a full minute they bowed and introduced themselves. There was no doubt that Fuji would get the job. Without hesitating he accepted, although this wasn't as creative as the things he normally did. It was just an excuse to see Tezuka again.

Tezuka's photo had been the topic of conversation for weeks. He had actually smiled to the photographer, which was something his colleagues had never seen him do. No matter how much they teased him, Tezuka never showed that smile again. At least, not to them, because after he had gotten the photos and paid for them he had asked Fuji to join him for dinner. The photographer had happily accepted. They hadn't spoken about it, but from that day on they had been a couple.

When Tezuka came home and found photos everywhere in his apartment it had only felt natural. Whenever Fuji called and said dinner was almost ready Tezuka took his coat and walked to the house of his lover like it was the most normal thing to do. Within weeks it felt like they had never been apart. Even though they had their own place to live, it was like they lived together.

For neither of them this was the first time they were in a relationship, but it had never felt like this. Their first kiss felt like they kissed for the hundredth time, but every kiss felt like it was their first. This was how it was supposed to be.

_If I'm guilty of anything_

_Is loving you too much_

Tezuka picked up his phone and dialed an unfamiliar number. It had been in his phone for years, but he couldn't remember the last time he used it. He might never have used it before. Things were a bit blurry at the moment. His thoughts were interrupted by the voice on the other side of the line.

'Hello, Fuji Yoshiko speaking.'

'Tezuka Kunimitsu here,' Tezuka said. No more words left his mouth. He wasn't sure anymore what he was about to ask.

'Kunimitsu-kun, is there a problem? What can I do for you?'

'Is Syuusuke with you?' Tezuka asked, suddenly remembering why he had called his mother in law.

For a few heartbeats it was silent. Neither of them spoke.

'No, I'm sorry Kunimitsu-kun, he isn't here,' answered Yoshiko. She sounded almost sad. 'I will call you if I see him, alright? I'll tell him you were looking for him.'

'Yes, please do that,' said Tezuka. 'Thank you.'

He hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. He looked around without moving from his spot. Of course Fuji wasn't with his parents, he had moved out years ago. Not just that, they had moved in together only a few months ago, didn't they?

_Screaming down the phone line to your mom_

_She said honey ain't home right now_

Tezuka looked at the tuxedo at hung on the door of his closet. It was perfectly ironed, not a single wrinkle, just how it was supposed to be. It had been there for two months already, because every time Tezuka looked at it, it reminded him of Fuji.

They were married for about half a year now. Not officially of course, that wasn't possible, but they had a small ceremony with family and friends. It was more like a celebration that they were finally going to live together. They had been together for a few years, but both their houses were too small for two people to live in. They were together so often that it didn't feel like they were still living apart though. They needed an affordable place with three bedrooms. One to sleep, one for Fuji to use as a studio and one for Tezuka to use as a study.

When they had found the perfect place they decided to celebrate that with the people they loved. Their old apartments were sold and they moved in together. Tezuka wore a black tuxedo and Fuji a white one. It had been the only time they had worn the suits, but Fuji told Tezuka not to put it away yet, because he still wanted to make some pictures of him wearing it. Tezuka had ironed it to make it look perfect. But he would never have to wear it again now, wouldn't he?

Carefully he took it off the closet door and put it on.

The irony. Normally guys got too fat to fit in their wedding suits, but Tezuka didn't fit in it, because he lost weight. It was a little big on him. He looked in the mirror and sighed. Fuji wouldn't have want to make photos of him like this.

He grabbed his coat and left the house. He didn't care that it was in the middle of the night. He lost track of time weeks ago.

It wasn't that he knew where he was going, all he knew was that he had to go to the 'dark' side of town. It didn't take him too long to get there. It didn't take him very long to find someone who could sell him a gun either. He probably paid twice as much as the weapon was worth, but he couldn't get himself to care.

He felt a lot of curious eyes on him as he walked away. He put the gun under the waistband of his pants, hidden under his jacket. With his hands in the pockets of his pants he went back home.

_I bought a tuxedo and I bought a gun_

_And wore them all around this town_

When Tezuka's mother called her son knew what it was about. He was almost thirty years old and it was about time he got married. First she asked how he was doing and told him he didn't come to visit often enough. He listened to his mother's question that he knew was coming.

'I already found someone I love,' he answered shortly.

His mother was surprised. Of course she was. She asked why he never told her and when he would introduce her to his parents. Tezuka looked at Fuji who was working on his laptop, softly singing along with his favorite song, not a clue what his lover was talking about.

'Because it's a guy,' said Tezuka, interrupting his mother's questions.

When Tezuka said that Fuji looked up. Just four words and he knew exactly what his lover was talking about. On the other side of the phone it was silent. Tezuka was silent as well. He waited for his mother's reply.

It never came. She hung up on him.

A week later his father called and said he had found him a nice girl and that now was the time to change his mind. There was a warning tone in his voice and Tezuka noticed it. He looked at the picture of him and Fuji that was on his wall. Fuji had put it up there only a week ago.

'I can't do that,' said Tezuka to his father. With that he hung up. He knew he had no more changes with them. He had ruined his relationship with his family for a relationship with Fuji.

The phone rang again. Tezuka picked up, but didn't say a word. On the other side of the line he heard Fuji ask him if he had to come over.

_Honey sometimes love_

_Means getting a little rough_

Tezuka sat in the backseat of a police car. He stared out of the window and watched how policemen and the staff of the ambulance were running around. They tried to send the curious people away who wanted to know what was going on.

On the ground in front of the houses lay a man on his back in a pool of blood. They had tried reanimation on him for a long time already, but nothing seemed to work.

Tezuka had been lucky. The neighbors had seen it all happen. They had seen how the man had grabbed a knife to attack Tezuka. Such a familiar knife, such a familiar situation. But Tezuka had reacted faster. He had grabbed the gun that was hidden underneath his jacket. He never left the house without it.

He didn't hesitate, but immediately pulled the trigger. It was like the gunshot was the only sound at the moment. Like the entire world had gone quiet and listened. There was a perfectly round hole in the chest of the other man.

Tezuka stood there and just watched how the man fell on the ground. He watched as he gasped for air. He watched as he fought for his life. He watched how he begged for help. Tezuka didn't move. He watched how others rushed towards them and tried to help the dying man on the ground. He stood there until a policemen gently took his arm and guided him to the car.

Self-defense.

He wasn't going to be charged. Not for murder at least. He was carrying a gun while he didn't have a license for it. He would have to go a few years to prison for that. But Tezuka didn't care.

He was angry. Angry that he had killed a man. Angry, because he had been able to kill a man. Angry that he had been too much of a coward to kill himself.

_I was waiting in the backseat of the car,_

_when I knew I killed the love_

Tezuka had been an ambitious man and he didn't hide it. Everyone knew he wanted to be the future director of the company and he was well on his way. In the few years he had worked there he already got promoted twice. He worked closely together with the director and learned a lot from the man. They were alike, so everyone knew Tezuka would be suited to follow in his footsteps.

He had always been a man of little words. He didn't say anything unless it was absolutely necessary. Because of that he didn't have many friends, but it made him a respectable boss.

One day he said even less than he normally did. He turned people with questions down or answered them with just 'yes' or 'no'. His co-workers weren't happy about it. They hoped he was just in a bad mood and that it would be over in a few days.

It didn't. It only got worse. There were days when he didn't talk to anyone. His work was left undone and he started getting late in the morning. He used to be the first one in and the last to leave, but now he was the last one in and sometimes he disappeared in the afternoon and no one knew where he had gone to.

The director started to complain and Tezuka promised to do better. The next day he arrived in time, but after lunch he was gone again. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, his hair got too long and his clothes were wrinkled, sometimes even dirty.

The gossip got worse by the day. Plenty of stories about what could have happened were going around. They thought Tezuka couldn't hear them, but he knew them all.

Tezuka's boss decided it was enough. This couldn't continue any longer. He spoke to the director and they decided they would have to fire Tezuka. They never got the opportunity to do so. Tezuka never turned up at the office anymore.

_Nobody dares to lift a finger_

_They can see my heart is down and injured_

Their first date was at the zoo. Neither of them used the word date. Fuji had to practice his photography and Tezuka just joined him. But it was a date nonetheless.

Fuji enjoyed trying out new recipes. Tezuka was the perfect victim to try them first. He ate everything and liked it all. He just couldn't handle the extremely spicy food, but those were the most fun to try out.

Tezuka loved hiking, so when he had a few days off he decided to climb Mount Fuji. He asked his lover to join him and they went on the trip together. Tezuka ended up carrying Fuji, because he sprained his ankle, but it was the best trip either of them had in years.

Fuji loved shopping and he always dragged Tezuka along. Tezuka didn't like shopping, because Fuji always wanted to try everything on. The waiting was only bearable because he was allowed to peek into the changing room now and then.

Dating for two guys wasn't easy, especially going to the amusement park together was suspicious. Fuji convinced Tezuka to go there anyway. He could be more scary than any haunted house and the entire day not a single person looked at them.

Tezuka's living room was small. Only a two-person couch fitted in there and Fuji loved to lay down on it and watch television after a hard day of work. If Tezuka wanted to join him he would have to put either Fuji's head or legs on his lap. Fuji didn't mind which it was, as long as Tezuka massaged whatever was within his reach.

Tezuka never lost his glasses, but when he once showered at Fuji's place he couldn't find them anymore. Fuji, who had hid them, helped searching and returned them after half an hour. Tezuka was just so cute when he didn't know what to do anymore. He regretted it though when Tezuka forced him to clean his entire apartment.

Now and then Fuji was hired to take photos at a wedding. He always looked a little down when he came home after such a job. Tezuka asked him if he wanted to have a wedding one day. Fuji answered he didn't. It wasn't really something for two guys. The next day Tezuka had bought him a ring.

Whenever Fuji truly smiled, Tezuka smiled. And the other way around.

_This is not bad love_

_This is not bad love_

There was a house they fell in love with. It was perfect in every way. It had a living room with a nice view on a square with trees and benches where grandmothers sat and watched the kids play. The main bedroom was big, while the two other bedrooms were a bit smaller. One had a lot of windows, perfect for Fuji's studio. The other was darker, but Tezuka didn't need much for his study.

It was exactly what they had been looking for and they decided the buy it the moment they set foot into the building. It took a few months to decorate everything. Fuji was critical when it came to creative perfection. Tezuka gladly repainted a wall if that made his lover happy.

The only thing that wasn't perfect were the neighbors. They were peeking through the curtains the first time Tezuka and Fuji showed the new home to Fuji's parents. From that moment it seemed like someone was spying on the couple every time they came to get something done in the house.

The first time they actually met them was when they were moving their furniture into the living room. They had just carried a table inside and went to get the next item when they noticed a woman looking at them. Fuji friendly smiled and greeted her. She didn't reply, she just looked at Fuji from head to toe and then asked who of them would live in the house.

'We will live here together,' answered Tezuka.

Immediately the woman started to ramble that they were a bad example for the kids in the neighborhood. She didn't have any kids herself, but she said that if she would have kids that she would move house, because she didn't want to raise them next to people like them. She said how it would be impossible to sell her house, because nobody wanted to live next to faggots.

Fuji walked away. He didn't like to listen to things like that. He couldn't be bothered with it and used to say he was born that way and that he couldn't help it. Tezuka listened to their neighbor, hoping that she would calm down and they could have a normal conversation. For his job he often had to handle angry people, so he was used to it.

When the woman stopped her rant to get some air, Tezuka said he understood her and explained they wouldn't bother anyone. He invited her for a cup of tea, so they could discuss what she absolutely didn't want them to do.

'I don't want you to live together,' she said simply.

Tezuka didn't know what to answer anymore, but he stayed calm. He knew arguing wasn't going to help them. He tried his best to convince her that it wasn't so bad and that he and Fuji were not going to leave. Nobody chose who to fall in love with.

'You're disgusting,' she answered before she turned around, returned to her house and slammed the door shut.

Tezuka and Fuji both didn't feel good about this. Before they even lived in their new house they already had a fight with the people living next to them. A week after they moved in Fuji decided to bring the woman a nice plant and a box with special tea. It felt like trying to buy peace, but they knew there was no other option. They could only show that they wouldn't cause any trouble.

Fuji thought she had trouble getting pregnant and now two guys were going to live next door and they could be as lovey-dovey as they wanted. They didn't have to worry about children anyway. She might have been angry because of that and she deserved another chance.

Tezuka was at work the day Fuji went to visit her. A few seconds after he rang the doorbell the door was opened and the neighbor appeared. She had been busy cooking for her husband, the knife still in her hand.

Fuji apologized for the bad start they had and asked her if they could start over again. They were neighbors and that wasn't going to change anytime soon, so it was better to get along. The woman looked at him with rage in her eyes.

'You're poisoning this neighborhood!' she shouted suddenly. 'Go away! Leave! I never want to see your face here again! You're ruining everything! My husband is always spying through the windows to look at you! You bewitched him! You will never get him! NEVER!'

The mothers and grandmothers of the playing kids had heard the shouting and went to see what was going on. They saw how the woman stepped forward with her knife. They saw how Fuji stepped back in fear and dropped the gifts. The pot of the plant shattered into pieces when it hit the ground and the tea ended up everywhere.

'YOU RUINED MY LIFE!' she screamed.

Neighbors came running to stop her, but they were too late. They could only watch as she stabbed Fuji several times. A by passer grabbed her arm and managed to take the knife. A second called the police and an ambulance. A third got hold of the woman, so she couldn't escape. A fourth tried to help Fuji.

But it was in vain.

Blood mixed with tea leaves and dirt. His eyes were closed and his heart stopped beating.

_Gonna write your girl a letter_

_It will make everything better_

Tezuka walked through the streets. He didn't know where he was going, since he had no place to go to. His parents had disowned him, he didn't have a job anymore, he hadn't seen his friends since Fuji's funeral and he couldn't go home. That house was not a home. His parents in law had offered him to stay with them, but he knew he would only remind them of the death of their beloved son.

So Tezuka just walked around, not paying attention to his surroundings. The rain was falling softly, running down his cheeks. A car drove through a puddle, soaking his pants.

Tezuka didn't even look up. He only stopped walking when he almost stumbled over Fuji's tombstone. His legs had brought him where he had to be. Where he wanted to be. His fingers traced the characters carved in the stone.

He knew his Syuusuke wasn't here. He didn't know where his lover was, but he knew he wasn't here. Still it felt comfortable to just sit next to the grave. Comfortable, the way it had been from the very first moment they met.

Tezuka looked at the sky and let the rain touch his face and fog his glasses. His hair and clothes were soaked and he was freezing to the bone, but he didn't feel any of it. He just looked at the sky and smiled.

'I love you too.'

_Walk like a ghost through the streets_

_Soaked from the pouring rain_

_This is not bad love_

_This is not bad love_


End file.
